This made my heart twist in recognition.
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2007/09/03/070903fa_fact_adichie
So, This Is A Thing...
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Friday, August 16, 2013
One year.
DC All-Stars after bouting the Philly Rollergirls' Liberty Belles on 4/27/13. Photo by James Calder |
This weekend is my derbyversary.
As I understand it, in derby, there are a number of ways to “count”
your derbyversary – the anniversary of the first time you bouted, the day you
were drafted to your team, the day you joined the league.
For me, the date that sticks out in my mind is August 18,
2012, the first day I attended boot camp with the DC Rollergirls. I had no skates or
gear, little idea of what the game of derby looked like (besides a viewing of
Whip It and a quick glance at some Rose City videos online), and even less of
an idea of the non-skating side of derby that I now know is a critical
component of the sport. I had interned in DC the previous summer and knew that
the DC Rollergirls existed, even checked out their website. But playing roller
derby was an interesting but unlikely possibility in the back of my mind, like
traveling to Greece or going to culinary school. The only reason I was there,
really, was because my friend Alli had really wanted to go and I had gotten
swept up in her excitement.
I don’t tend to do things impulsively. In fact, I actively
try not to do things impulsively. But that day after boot camp, I drove home,
ate lunch, then drove to Frederick, Maryland to a derby “shop” that was
actually a few shelves of gear in the back of a bicycle store. I dropped about
$400 on new skates and gear with only a well-meaning but clueless employee to advise me (who only did so when it became abundantly clear that I had no idea
what I was buying).
One of the memories I associate most clearly with that day
is driving home on 270, glancing over at the pile of stuff – not sure if I had
gotten ripped off, not sure why I had dropped an obscene amount of money for an
activity that I basically knew nothing about – and thinking, “What the hell did
you just do?” And, later: “If you’re spending this much money, you fucking
better do this right.”
In hindsight, I’m not sure what led me to take that huge
leap. When I observed that boot camp, I remember being impressed less by the
actual skating and activity than by the amount of organization and commitment
and the number of women there. I’m sure a decent part of it stemmed from my
conversations with Scoriental Express, where she mentioned that she, too, was a
former ice skater and had gotten through tryouts having only discovered derby three
weeks beforehand (which was basically the same timeline I was looking at). Mostly,
I think it was because it was a challenge and because it scared me a little.
The things I’ve really loved – figure skating, policy debate, giving tours –
have all involved things that were difficult and also a little terrifying in
some way.
I have a hard time trusting my gut instinct on things
sometimes, but whatever it was that influenced me to decide to go all-in, I am
absurdly grateful. Only now do I know what an amazing sport and community I managed
to stumble into.
I won’t go into what derby has done for me and still means to me. That’s
what the rest of this blog is for and I feel like any attempt to neatly
summarize the past year would fall far, far short of what it is to experience
it. This is an instance where I know with certainty that my words are not
enough to scratch the surface of the terror, joy, excitement, camaraderie, and
sense of accomplishment that are now permanent parts of my life. Nor are they enough
to capture what it feels like to be surrounded and supported and cared for by
an amazing group of the most kind, intelligent, hilarious, dedicated, and insane
people I have ever met.
And I can’t think of a better way to celebrate than by competing
in Des Moines with the DC All-Stars at the WFTDA Division 2 playoffs - a possibility I would not have dreamed of a year ago when I would have been thrilled to make the rec league.
I’ll just end by saying: It’s my first derbyversary this
weekend, and this has been the most enjoyable year of my life. Here’s to many more.
Pure happiness at Midwest BrewHaha. Photo by James Calder. |
Friday, May 17, 2013
Catching Up
Hi. It’s been a while.
After several (many) promptings from friends, a lot of derby getting in
the way of writing time, general apathy about blogging, and innumerable
half-written, heavily-edited blog posts that will never see the light of day, I’m
posting a general “hey, here’s what I’ve been up to for the past few months”
catch-up post.
Caveats: This is not going to be my best writing. This is
not going to be worth your time if you actually see me on a regular basis. This is a big ol’ “sorry I suck
at keeping in touch with you but here’s what I’ve been doing” blanket apology post
for my friends far away, and a “Sophia has terrible memory and will
probably forget all these events in six months, and she should write them down
now before she forgets, and before such events become so routine she forgets
there was time in her life that she was actually excited about them” post. This is why this post is going to be a freaking novel.
Aren’t you excited to read this now? I know, such a great
sell.
Derby - Bouts and Other Events
Hoo boy. It’s fair to say that derby has eaten my existence.
As in, I’m usually practicing/bouting at least 4 days out of the week, spending
at least 1 of the remaining days on some derby-related project or traveling,
and spending the other 2 days cooking for myself, doing laundry, grocery
shopping and/or passing out immediately upon arriving home from work.
Travel team bouts: Since I last posted in January, I went to
Florida with the All-Stars, where the AS played Jacksonville and Gainesville (loss, then win; I played against Gainesville),
and then we went to Connecticut, where we bouted the Connecticut Rollergirls (I played and we won) and scrimmaged Suburbia.
Somewhere in there, the league approved the formation of an actual B team, which meant that we had travel team tryouts and added 10 to the travel team and I was designated a swing player, meaning that I’m on the WFTDA charter but that I’ll play for both the A and B team (who each have a game day roster of 14), depending on who needs me. It is not as confusing as I’m making it sound, but I made this chart and sent it to my parents, because (a) I like making charts, (b) It was a good work procrastination task, and (c) because I am still really inept at describing the structure of the travel team. Pretty sure they still don't get it. But here it is anyway.
Because... charts? |
Then, we scrimmaged Charm City's A and B teams (with 8 people, which was tough but a really great learning experience). After that, we went to Pittsburgh and played Steel City and Burning River (losses; I played in Burning River and with the National Maulers against Burning River's B team, which we won!). And then Philly came and played us in DC (I played and it was a reverse win, because we beat the spread and played really well as a team). And then we went to Nashville (I played and it was also a reverse win because we came back from a big deficit and we KILLED the afterparty. Like, riding-mechanical-bulls, bachelorette-party-pyramid-with-flaming-sparkler, swap-clothing-with-strangers-in-a-bar, country-karaoke-singing-and-dancing-onstage kind of killed).
Fright and Jill on the mechanical bull in Nashville. I distinctly remember laughing so hard I cried. But I was also not very sober. |
Anyway. Somewhere else in there, I got shiny new skates, courtesy of Department of Skate. They’re Antik AR-1s with 45 degree Avenger plages. After the initial
adjustment period, I love them. So much lighter than my old Riedell Vixens with Triton
plates, and I can actually cross over on the apex because my skates aren’t
half-sliding out from under me! Also, for wheels, I upgraded to Rollerbones Turbo 85s for the
Armory, which were the first wheels to make me finally understand what people
meant when they talked about their “perfect” wheel. I love them a little bit more than is strictly normal.
Somewhere in there too, I got to watch the Charm-Philly bout (where I.M. Pain took a huge hit, literally TAPED HERSELF BACK TOGETHER, and proceeded to
jam all over Philly’s faces and I almost passed out from how amazing it was) and Dutchland-Burning River. I also helped shave
my teammate Frightmare’s head because we reached 55% of our fundraising goal
for the warehouse fund. And I helped make a roller-derby centered Peeps
diorama with Saulty and my friends Zai, Erin, and Abby... though “helped” is
stretching it because I think my contribution consisted of making two helmets
and buying faux wood shelf liner. And I did a photoshoot in the rain with a photographer named Kyle Cassidy, who is a pretty big deal and takes awesome roller derby portrait shots. And a whole lot of other stuff, but those
are the highlights.
DC RollerPeeps diorama, made mostly by Saulty, Zai, Abby, and Erin - a semifinalist in the Washington Post 2013 Peep Diorama competition. |
Up next: Northeast Derbycon in Providence, the BrewHaha tournament in Milwaukee (while I'm supposed to be moving... yeah, that'll be fun) followed by a trip to Chicago (actual fun), Atlanta, ECDX in Philly...
Speaking of which, I'm still struggling with my skills and patience with myself when playing. I'm not where I want to be yet, and all the easy, instinctual learning is basically done - now comes the part where I have to put in real effort to cross-train and to turn my brain on when I play. I know I can skate, but knowing how to skate and knowing how to play derby are two different things, and I keep trying to remind myself of this when I get overly self-critical. Despite all of these potentially unfun things about derby, I'm still addicted. I'll probably write more on the psychological aspects of derby that I find really interesting, but for now, I'll just say that practice is almost always the highlight of my day and I don't understand how normal people are able to function without derby/a derby-like obsession in their lives. Playing derby is a huge rush and I love it.
Non-Derby
So, a lot of people ask me how work is going, and the boring answer that I really like my work most of the time and I really like the people I work with and sometimes it's annoying, but mostly it's really great and absolutely confirms for me that I want to work in financial regulation. What else can I say? I have a good group of work friends (although two of them will be leaving this summer, sadly), I get to wander into work at 10 if I feel like it, I work with attorneys who compare mortgage securitization to Horcruxes in meetings, and it pays me enough to let me do basically whatever I want to do. On the whole, I'm pretty effing lucky.
More exciting things? Since my last update, I had lot of friends from out of town come visit me (Ruby! Erin! Sherrie! Janice! Donovan! Eri! Cliff!), so that took some very enjoyable time, even though I am literally the worst host ever and the only thing I really did with most of them was take them to bars and drag them to my derby practice and/or bouts. Having my friends come to visit, though, was amazing because it really did feel like college again. They know me - to be at the point with someone where they will crawl into my bed with me mid-conversation for no reason, or just sit and do work and not have to say anything to fill up the silence, is a level of intimacy that I took for granted in college. I miss it.
Also, I sometimes feel like my existence is swallowed up in derby - like Sophia only exists at work and Pow exists at derby, but there's no Sophia that exists outside of those two things. Being reminded of the non-work Sophia is nice. (Though that being said, that's entirely my fault for being bad at cultivating relationships outside of derby these days). In any case, having friends to remind me that derby is really just a ridiculous hobby and a logical extension of my weirdly aggressive tendencies, rather than the be-all and end-all of my existence, is really lovely and necessary.
Janice resisting hugs, as usual. |
Another nice thing about having guests is that you can use them as an excuse to eat out – and in the case of Donovan, your parents are so happy that you want to spend time with your little brother that they literally offer to bankroll dinner wherever you want to go. So we naturally took advantage of their generosity and ate out at the oyster bar at Union Market (delicious, as always), Komi (probably the best meal I have ever had in my life - I thought it was better than Alinea, actually, but that might be the wine pairings talking), and Blue Duck Tavern (wanted to love it, but was not particularly impressed). And then I went back to eating peasant food.
Other, more recent news: I am moving from my basement apartment in Brookland, with my friend McKenzie from high school, to a gorgeous three-bedroom in NoMa with Saulty and Renae, both of whom were freshmeat with me. This is an especially nice move because it's a lot closer to the Armory and H Street bars and such, while still cutting my commute and being relatively affordable (and being four blocks away from my friend Jordan, yay!). My work is also moving to NoMa next year, which means soon my commute will basically be three blocks. Also, WINDOWS! AMAZING! No more Vitamin D deficiency for this girl!
In Chicago terms, moving from Brookland to NoMa is the rough
equivalent of moving from Hyde Park circa 2008 to like, Bridgeport. Which is to
say, there’s not a lot of stuff to do where I am now, and there’s more stuff to
do where I am going, but there’s still not a lot of stuff to do in comparison
to the rest of the city, but it’s near a
lot of stuff to do, which is cool with me. Unfortunately, my lease is up June 1, which is... when I'm in Milwaukee. Um, I'll figure it out.
Speaking of figuring things out - the LSAT, law school, all of that? Yeah, the studying for that needs to be happening about nowish if I want to take it in October and apply for fall 2014, but that's not really possible. I'm gradually becoming more confident about my ability to get into the schools I want to go to (applications to law school down 30% = EVERYONE GETS ADMITTED!), but I'm dragging my feet for a few reasons:
1. Law school = debt = responsibility = less derby. I think I can still play, but I think that any kind of travel team is probably not in the cards for me, at least while in law school. Unfortunately, at the moment, I want to keep derbying as much as I can, as long as I can.
2. I'm putting down roots in DC and I really don't want to leave. If I get into, say, Georgetown, I think I would be happy to stay here, but if I didn't get in but I got into an awesome law school somewhere that wasn't DC and didn't get into Georgetown? I would probably leave to go to Hypothetical Other School, and that would suck. If that's a scenario that happens, I would like to delay it, please.
3. The law market still blows. I'm sort of less concerned about this because I think the issue is sort of a structural problem that isn't going to resolve itself anytime soon and delaying by 1 or 2 years won't make much of a difference. The fact is, however, that I'm aiming to go into an industry that is extremely hostile to new grads, even ones from nice schools, yet dumps a ridiculous amount of debt on them. I think it would be strange not to have some hesitation about that, no matter how much I want to be a lawyer.
The plan was always to head back to law school after 2 years. I don't know why this was my plan, except that 2 years seemed like a good amount of time to blow off steam after undergrad. Thinking about stretching that time is scary. Clearly, it's a problem for Future Sophia. (P.S. That girl is screwed).
Speaking of figuring things out - the LSAT, law school, all of that? Yeah, the studying for that needs to be happening about nowish if I want to take it in October and apply for fall 2014, but that's not really possible. I'm gradually becoming more confident about my ability to get into the schools I want to go to (applications to law school down 30% = EVERYONE GETS ADMITTED!), but I'm dragging my feet for a few reasons:
1. Law school = debt = responsibility = less derby. I think I can still play, but I think that any kind of travel team is probably not in the cards for me, at least while in law school. Unfortunately, at the moment, I want to keep derbying as much as I can, as long as I can.
2. I'm putting down roots in DC and I really don't want to leave. If I get into, say, Georgetown, I think I would be happy to stay here, but if I didn't get in but I got into an awesome law school somewhere that wasn't DC and didn't get into Georgetown? I would probably leave to go to Hypothetical Other School, and that would suck. If that's a scenario that happens, I would like to delay it, please.
3. The law market still blows. I'm sort of less concerned about this because I think the issue is sort of a structural problem that isn't going to resolve itself anytime soon and delaying by 1 or 2 years won't make much of a difference. The fact is, however, that I'm aiming to go into an industry that is extremely hostile to new grads, even ones from nice schools, yet dumps a ridiculous amount of debt on them. I think it would be strange not to have some hesitation about that, no matter how much I want to be a lawyer.
The plan was always to head back to law school after 2 years. I don't know why this was my plan, except that 2 years seemed like a good amount of time to blow off steam after undergrad. Thinking about stretching that time is scary. Clearly, it's a problem for Future Sophia. (P.S. That girl is screwed).
Meta Thoughts About Blogging
So obviously, the updates haven't been happening as frequently as I like. I've heard from a number of people who say they enjoy it, but the fact that some people are using it as a source of updates in my life is kind of stressful. As in, if I don't keep up with one person, it's bad enough, but not updating my blog is sort of like not keeping up with EVERYONE. Which doesn't make sense, but that's kind of how it feels to my insane guilt complex.
I've honestly been writing a decent amount, but I haven't been publishing posts for a few reasons. It's hard to reconcile the difference between things that (a) I want to write about and (b) that I think are fit for public consumption, both in terms of quality and actual content. I think this is mostly due to the fact that, though I would
like to pretend otherwise, there is an audience for this blog. Although writing what I want to write about is very therapeutic,
I feel like I can’t go into detail about certain things or say things that
might be taken a certain way by others. And I’d prefer that this blog didn’t
become just a place for recording or recapping bouts and derby trips – although
I certainly want to be better about documenting those events.
For example: One of my unpublished blog posts was written when I was especially frustrated with my progress in derby at that particular moment in time. It was therapeutic to get it all out and organize my thoughts in writing, so that I could figure out what I was actually upset about. Still, I didn't publish it because I thought it would be insensitive to write what was essentially a "woe is me, I suck at derby" post when I know I'm not doing poorly for a first-year skater. But sometimes, I do feel that way and I want to be able to express it. Where's the line? What's the point of blogging if you have to censor yourself and what you actually write is just a curated persona? Then again, aren't we all just censored versions of our true selves around others, anyway? What is authenticity? OH GOD HELP.
As for non-derby things, the vast majority of the time, I feel like I'm pretty boring and don’t really feel that I have
anything interesting to say. I thought I would have a lot more things to say
about culture and politics, but I don’t really have the time to consume them
like I used to and I’m usually not as vehement in my opinions when I do. I’m
not sure if it’s an effect of leaving college, if I’ve become more tolerant, or
if I just don’t care as much because it’s not derby-related. But I think I need to work on the identity of the blog a little more before I can confidently say whether I’ll continue to blog.
I'll leave you with these photos of my 20-year-old brother licking cheese to prevent me from having any.
I'll leave you with these photos of my 20-year-old brother licking cheese to prevent me from having any.
The more things change... |
...the more they stay the same. |
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Why Obama’s Comment about Kamala Harris’ Looks Is Not Sexist (But Still Problematic)
[Author’s
note: So, this is not the epic blog update that I have been picking over for
the past couple of weeks. Instead, this is a quick-and-dirty visceral reaction
to a recent news event that practically wrote itself after I caught up on all
the news from yesterday. Real post to come.]
So yesterday, it was revealed that Obama
called Kamala Harris, the California State Attorney General, the “best-looking
attorney general in the United States” to a group of wealthy donors. Some
in the social media universe and news media called Obama sexist for pointing
out her looks, because women are not solely ornamental and Kamala Harris is
really good at her job and women should be valued for brains over beauty, etc.
etc. etc. There was a big to-do and he eventually
apologized to Harris for the
distraction that his comment had caused. The full quote:
“You have to be careful to, first of all, say she is
brilliant and she is dedicated and she is tough, and she is exactly what you’d
want in anybody who is administering the law, and making sure that everybody is
getting a fair shake. She also happens to be, by far, the best looking attorney
general in the country… It’s true! C’mon!”
Sigh. Oh, Barry.
I don’t
think the comment is sexist. To me, sexism is stereotyping or discrimination on
the basis of sex, and I don't think Obama's comment falls under that heading at
all. I also happen to think Kamala Harris is very beautiful, and anyone who
suggests that Obama thinks that her beauty is more paramount than other
qualities that make her good
at her job clearly didn’t
read the full quote. New
York Magazine, via NPR, also points out that Obama has commented on the
looks of several prominent men, as well. I don’t think mentioning her good
looks necessarily reduces the value that she holds as a successful attorney
general or as a woman, and I don’t think Obama’s intent was to diminish her
abilities, either.
I also think there is also something inescapable about the fact that Harris and Obama are both part-black. I don't necessarily feel like I can speak to that, but I will say that American and/or Western standards of beauty rarely include women of color. For Obama to specifically point out her attractiveness could be a way to challenge those standards (maybe? If you squint?).
Further,
in a fundraising setting, politicians make jokes, flatter those they introduce,
and will generally say things as if they are amongst friends, so to speak. In a
room full of Democratic fundraisers, they know who Kamala Harris is – she’s a rising
star of the party. Everyone knows her bio and the fact that she’s very
intelligent, which is why they can laugh at the part where he comments on her
looks and he has to defend his claim. This isn’t something he would say at a
public event, and I think context matters.
Still,
I am bothered by the fact that Obama
mentioned Harris’ looks in addition to her other, more substantively excellent
qualities. To me, this is problematic in three ways.
First,
Obama is essentially saying that being good-looking is another bullet point on
her list of achievements – another feather in her cap. My response, in all-caps: BEING CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE IS
NOT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT. The fact that her looks are being trumpeted as
another positive attribute is a depressing reaffirmation of the importance that
society (American, Western, human: take your pick) places on looks. When Obama
called Harris brilliant, tough, fair, dedicated, and pretty, which quality took
no effort to obtain? Let's celebrate actual work and achievement and not equate
it with things that have nothing to do with them.
Second,
here is where the feminist perspective comes in: Women already have it tough in
the workplace, particularly in male-dominated fields, and specifically when
separating job performance from appearance. Obama’s comment tied the two
together for Harris. Given that being attractive depends mostly on genes and
societal norms and other ridiculousness that nobody has any control over, it
should merit zero comment when discussing actual work-related accomplishments
or positive attributes. I thought that the discussion of her looks in a comment
otherwise focused on her work was borderline disrespectful.
Finally
(and this one is maybe a stretch), the type of flattery I read into Obama’s
comment was almost a type of surprise: “She’s all those things, AND would you
believe she’s attractive too?!”, as if one might not expect someone who is
attractive to have such excellent qualities. Once again, that’s problematic:
Why is it surprising that she’s attractive in addition to, say, brilliant? Do
we expect less of beautiful people? This is the flip side of the same issue,
where people who are conventionally attractive might be advantaged in some
areas, but also might not taken seriously in a professional context or are
somehow automatically thought to be dumb. I know several beautiful, smart women
who unfortunately run into that problem frequently; although eventually people
get the point that they are incredibly intelligent, it’s a barrier to overcome
that shouldn’t exist at all.
In
sum: People are judged based on their appearance, and that sucks. Obama (and
everyone) should be actively resisting that notion rather than endorsing it,
and should know better.
Michelle, go kick his ass.
Stolen from totallytransparent.tumblr.com |
Sunday, January 20, 2013
A List of Things I Am Grateful For Today
- Barbecue pork with zucchini and rice noodles (above)
- My kickass All-Star teammates
- Good friends who know me well
- Muscle relaxants
- The Mountain Goats
- Ibuprofen
- A family who loves me to the point where it can
get annoying
- Cheesecake with homemade blueberry compote
- Not having celiac disease (officially)
- Massage therapists who know what they're doing
- A clean room and apartment
- Gilmore Girls
- The fact that tomorrow is not the inauguration of
President Mitt Romney
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Derby, derby, derby...
'Saulty's always crampin' my style. Courtesy of On Tap Magazine. |
So, as quickly as it came, the desire to write about
my life seems to have abandoned me. But now there are people who bother me about things like keeping up my
blog… which is probably a good thing, because feeling accountable to other
people has always been a better motivator for me than anything else.
Part of the reason for the lack of posts has probably been
the fact that derby has started back up. After going back to look at my
schedule since the league break, I’m kind of unsurprised that I haven’t been
feeling the introspection as of late. In the past 11 days, I’ve had a total of
3 non-practice days, one of which was supposed to be a practice, but was canceled. And it only gets more intense from here with travel.
The toughest stretch so far was bouting Saturday in addition
to an early-morning All-Stars practice Sunday, both of which were rough. My
home team, the DC DemonCats, lost the bout 144-186 against the Cherry Blossom
Bombshells, though we fought hard and my teammates are amazing. It was followed up by an incredibly competitive bout between the Majority Whips and Scare Force One. Actual bout recaps are on The Examiner and DCist, with awesome pictures from On Tap Magazine.
A bunch of skaters were interviewed by Al Jazeera (!), so I’ll hopefully
be able to post that as well. (Sidenote: I am pretty sure that the last few months of being photographed for derby has roughly equaled how much I've been photographed for the rest of my life combined. Holy crap.)
The highlight of the bout for me was my first perfect derby
hivemind moment: on the second jam of the bout, our pack successfully held the
opposing jammer and, after she was sent off, got a goat and controlled pack
speed for the rest of the power jam. I usually come off the track a little
pissed that I didn’t do better, but I came off the track and yelled “FUCK YES!”
and did some fist-pumping because everyone did exactly what they needed to do. For those two minutes, all four of
us in the pack knew just where we needed to be and had the same focus and commitment
to getting it done.
I think those smaller moments of perfection are the main
reason why I love playing sports. Time slows down and you know precisely what the outcome
of the action will be. In soccer, it’s the perfectly-timed assist to your
teammate. In ice skating, it’s the powerful, effortless jump takeoff. In
lacrosse, it’s getting there a half-step in front of your opponent to snag the
interception. There’s nothing to think about, except: YES. This is what it’s supposed to be like. Once we got that wall
together, I knew that there was no
way the opposing blocker was getting out. That was the first time I’ve
experienced that kind of moment with my team in derby, and it was a huge rush.
Unfortunately, the rest of the bout didn’t live up to the
awesomeness of that moment, at least for me. I was reasonably happy with my
blocking, but I really struggled to get out of the pack as a jammer, mostly
because I need to work on my predictability. I also received one forearm penalty
while jamming, which sucks, but I didn’t receive any cut-track penalties, which
is what I was most paranoid about. Next bout goal: NO PENALTIES WHATSOEVER.
Also, winning. Because I would really, really, really like to win.
As for my first full-length All-Stars practice Sunday morning, it
was definitely as intense and exhausting as I thought it would be. It doesn’t
seem like the All-Stars do drills that are that dramatically different than
what we do at league practice, but the difference is in skill and motivation. Every
single one of those women knows what they’re doing and is going hard. Although I didn’t get my ass
kicked as much as I was afraid I would, it is still abundantly clear that I have a
lot to work on: I need to be stronger when teammates brace or push me, I need
to make my stride more efficient, and I need to work on my endurance A LOT,
among many, many other things.
My main goal for All-Stars right now is to prove to myself
that I belong there. Right now, I’m still in the mindset of, “I was watching
most of these women on WFTDA.tv during my lunch break four months ago, and now
I’m skating with them? What the hell am I doing here?” I’m trying to get over
that feeling, not only for myself, but because being successful in
derby requires being confident and fearless. I know I can't be either of those things if I'm intimidated by my own teammates. The solution, as always: work harder.
Bright spot? On Sunday, I did 25 laps of the track in less
than 4 minutes for the first time ever! Granted, this was on an incredibly
sticky floor – I don’t know that I could replicate that in the Armory, at least
not immediately. But this has been a derby goal of mine for a while, so I’m
reasonably pleased, especially since it was about 16 seconds faster than my
previous best two months ago.
In non-derby-related news? Currently, I'm in a stretch of 3 non-practice days. Even with cross-training, it's felt like an incredible luxury. I'm teleworking right now because the very potential of 5 inches of snow has DC freaked out like no other. Inauguration is coming up and I’m
trying to decide whether my love of politics outweighs my fear of cold. My friend
Ruby is coming to visit this weekend, which I’m super excited about – she’s an
old friend from preschool/high school debate. I’ve been cooking a lot (last
week: Yumm bowls, tandoori chicken, mushroom bourguignon, gingersnap cookies, congee,
Bolognese, and Korean short ribs. I've named my slow cooker Phyllis). I’m going to a Wizards game
at the end of the month with my office. And... yeah, that's about it.
(Sorry, non-derby friends. I did warn you.)
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Hello, world.
The view from a new year - Lake Anna in Mineral, VA. |
To begin 2013, I decided to start blogging.
I’ve kicked around the idea of blogging before, but I:
a) didn’t
think I would have my shit together enough to blog consistently;
b) always
thought that blogs needed a theme – food, working out, travel, politics – and I
didn’t think I’d be interested enough in one theme to continue it;
c) didn’t think
I had anything to contribute that people would want to read; and
d) wanted my
blog to be pretty and organized and awesome but didn’t want to invest the time
in making it so.
Then, I realized that most of this didn’t matter and I was
just intimidating myself out of doing it, like I do with a lot of things.
Generally, I have high expectations for myself and I want whatever I do to be
“good,” in my mind (whatever the hell that is). But in order to make something
“good,” you have to start first, no
matter how imperfect or temporary it might be. I’m increasingly trying to make
myself okay with not having everything just so.
There is also the practical consideration that the people I love are
scattered all over the world and I am terrible at keeping in touch with them.
Hopefully, this is a good way to passively update many people on my life at the
same time. (Protip: Anticipated blog topics include roller derby, food,
liberal political rants, college nostalgia, roller derby, intense self-criticism,
pop culture, early twenties malaise, roller derby, being Chinese, financial
regulation, and roller derby.)
However, the main reason I want to write this blog is
because I want to remember later what it’s like to be here, now. I feel like
college passed by so quickly, and so many things happened in the last year
alone: I finished my thesis, I landed my dream job, I finally let go of my
first serious relationship, I graduated college, I moved to a new city, I started
working, I traveled more than ever before, and I started playing roller derby.
Looking back, a lot of it is a blur.
Right now, I feel like I’m between major phases of my life,
but have yet to cross over the threshold. I have plans to go to law school in a few years, and I have the
impression that law school will send me on a path that has finite options. Even
though I very much want to be a lawyer and think I would be good at it, I want
to be here for a while longer. I want to
have some kind of record of this in-between time – where I am working at a job
that I really like, I have great friends, I enjoy living in DC, I am obsessed
with this strange and amazing sport, and my worries and responsibilities are (knock
on wood) minimal.
Also, I miss writing. I feel like my non-academic writing
muscles have atrophied. I can bang out a 10-page policy analysis with little
effort, but the thought of laboring over a piece of writing to make it
entertaining or touching or meaningful is kind of scary, even if it’s just for
me.
So, naturally, I want to do it. A new year feels like a good
time to begin.
2012 was, without a doubt, the craziest year of my life.
Bring it on, 2013.
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