Friday, May 17, 2013

Catching Up


Hi. It’s been a while.

After several (many) promptings from friends, a lot of derby getting in the way of writing time, general apathy about blogging, and innumerable half-written, heavily-edited blog posts that will never see the light of day, I’m posting a general “hey, here’s what I’ve been up to for the past few months” catch-up post.

Caveats: This is not going to be my best writing. This is not going to be worth your time if you actually see me on a regular basis. This is a big ol’ “sorry I suck at keeping in touch with you but here’s what I’ve been doing” blanket apology post for my friends far away, and a “Sophia has terrible memory and will probably forget all these events in six months, and she should write them down now before she forgets, and before such events become so routine she forgets there was time in her life that she was actually excited about them” post. This is why this post is going to be a freaking novel.

Aren’t you excited to read this now? I know, such a great sell. 

Derby - Bouts and Other Events

Hoo boy. It’s fair to say that derby has eaten my existence. As in, I’m usually practicing/bouting at least 4 days out of the week, spending at least 1 of the remaining days on some derby-related project or traveling, and spending the other 2 days cooking for myself, doing laundry, grocery shopping and/or passing out immediately upon arriving home from work.

Travel team bouts: Since I last posted in January, I went to Florida with the All-Stars, where the AS played Jacksonville and Gainesville (loss, then win; I played against Gainesville), and then we went to Connecticut, where we bouted the Connecticut Rollergirls (I played and we won) and scrimmaged Suburbia.

Somewhere in there, the league approved the formation of an actual B team, which meant that we had travel team tryouts and added 10 to the travel team and I was designated a swing player, meaning that I’m on the WFTDA charter but that I’ll play for both the A and B team (who each have a game day roster of 14), depending on who needs me. It is not as confusing as I’m making it sound, but I made this chart and sent it to my parents, because (a) I like making charts, (b) It was a good work procrastination task, and (c) because I am still really inept at describing the structure of the travel team. Pretty sure they still don't get it. But here it is anyway.

Because... charts? 

Then, we scrimmaged Charm City's A and B teams (with 8 people, which was tough but a really great learning experience). After that, we went to Pittsburgh and played Steel City and Burning River (losses; I played in Burning River and with the National Maulers against Burning River's B team, which we won!). And then Philly came and played us in DC (I played and it was a reverse win, because we beat the spread and played really well as a team). And then we went to Nashville (I played and it was also a reverse win because we came back from a big deficit and we KILLED the afterparty. Like, riding-mechanical-bulls, bachelorette-party-pyramid-with-flaming-sparkler, swap-clothing-with-strangers-in-a-bar, country-karaoke-singing-and-dancing-onstage kind of killed).

Fright and Jill on the mechanical bull in Nashville. I distinctly remember laughing so hard I cried. But I was also not very sober.

Home team bouts: I’ve bouted twice with the DemonCats since I last wrote, against the Majority Whips in February, against Scare Force in March, both of which were close losses - 2 points (!) and... I want to say something like 40 points. We're also meeting the Whips for the 3rd place bout in the Championships tomorrow. I don't know why, but the bout tomorrow has me more nervous than literally any other bout I've ever skated in, which is probably a big reason why I was able to channel my nervous energy tonight into an update. Part of it is the finality of it - this is the last bout of the season, this is for all the marbles, this is our last chance to win this season - and part of it is the fact that I've gotten to the point where I have expectations for myself and my contributions to the team. I'll leave it there because all my feelings are discombobulated the night before a bout and I'm sure I'll be more articulate at a later date, but suffice it to say that I love my team a lot and am so proud of how we've progressed so far this season.

Anyway. Somewhere else in there, I got shiny new skates, courtesy of Department of Skate. They’re Antik AR-1s with 45 degree Avenger plages. After the initial adjustment period, I love them. So much lighter than my old Riedell Vixens with Triton plates, and I can actually cross over on the apex because my skates aren’t half-sliding out from under me! Also, for wheels, I upgraded to Rollerbones Turbo 85s for the Armory, which were the first wheels to make me finally understand what people meant when they talked about their “perfect” wheel. I love them a little bit more than is strictly normal.

Somewhere in there too, I got to watch the Charm-Philly bout (where I.M. Pain took a huge hit, literally TAPED HERSELF BACK TOGETHER, and proceeded to jam all over Philly’s faces and I almost passed out from how amazing it was) and Dutchland-Burning River. I also helped shave my teammate Frightmare’s head because we reached 55% of our fundraising goal for the warehouse fund. And I helped make a roller-derby centered Peeps diorama with Saulty and my friends Zai, Erin, and Abby... though “helped” is stretching it because I think my contribution consisted of making two helmets and buying faux wood shelf liner. And I did a photoshoot in the rain with a photographer named Kyle Cassidy, who is a pretty big deal and takes awesome roller derby portrait shots. And a whole lot of other stuff, but those are the highlights.

DC RollerPeeps diorama, made mostly by Saulty, Zai, Abby, and Erin - a semifinalist in the Washington Post 2013 Peep Diorama competition.

Up next: Northeast Derbycon in Providence, the BrewHaha tournament in Milwaukee (while I'm supposed to be moving... yeah, that'll be fun) followed by a trip to Chicago (actual fun), Atlanta, ECDX in Philly...

Derby - General Thoughts

It's kind of mindblowing to think that ALL OF THE THINGS ABOVE happened within the last 4ish months. I feel like so many things are happening and, although I enjoy them thoroughly when they are happening, I have so little time to sit and reflect on how amazing my experiences have been and how lucky I am. I almost wish I could slow things down and spread them out in my life a little bit more, because there is way too much concentrated amazing happening right now. It reminds me of the last quarter of college in a way, where everything was happening too quickly for me to appreciate and remember and it was over before I knew it. I want things to slow down, but they only seem to be speeding up.

Like, sometimes I will think about the fact that against Philly last month, I got lead jammer on Teflon Donna and actually scored points (...before I got sent to the box for cutting. Sigh). For those who don't know who Teflon Donna is, she's an amazing and hugely influential skater from Philly who skates for Team USA who is also a really nice person. Six months ago, I was one of those people who had no idea who Teflon Donna was. Last month, when I lined up on the jam line against her, the only thing I could think was, "OH HOLY SHIT THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING TO ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON." All the opportunities I've been given have been overwhelming and intimidating, but beyond incredible. I'm so grateful for these experiences and I know that they're going to make me into a better skater, but it's a lot to process sometimes.

Speaking of which, I'm still struggling with my skills and patience with myself when playing. I'm not where I want to be yet, and all the easy, instinctual learning is basically done - now comes the part where I have to put in real effort to cross-train and to turn my brain on when I play. I know I can skate, but knowing how to skate and knowing how to play derby are two different things, and I keep trying to remind myself of this when I get overly self-critical. Despite all of these potentially unfun things about derby, I'm still addicted.  I'll probably write more on the psychological aspects of derby that I find really interesting, but for now, I'll just say that practice is almost always the highlight of my day and I don't understand how normal people are able to function without derby/a derby-like obsession in their lives. Playing derby is a huge rush and I love it.

Non-Derby

So, a lot of people ask me how work is going, and the boring answer that I really like my work most of the time and I really like the people I work with and sometimes it's annoying, but mostly it's really great and absolutely confirms for me that I want to work in financial regulation. What else can I say? I have a good group of work friends (although two of them will be leaving this summer, sadly), I get to wander into work at 10 if I feel like it, I work with attorneys who compare mortgage securitization to Horcruxes in meetings, and it pays me enough to let me do basically whatever I want to do. On the whole, I'm pretty effing lucky.

More exciting things? Since my last update, I had lot of friends from out of town come visit me (Ruby! Erin! Sherrie! Janice! Donovan! Eri! Cliff!), so that took some very enjoyable time, even though I am literally the worst host ever and the only thing I really did with most of them was take them to bars and drag them to my derby practice and/or bouts. Having my friends come to visit, though, was amazing because it really did feel like college again. They know me - to be at the point with someone where they will crawl into my bed with me mid-conversation for no reason, or just sit and do work and not have to say anything to fill up the silence, is a level of intimacy that I took for granted in college. I miss it.

Also, I sometimes feel like my existence is swallowed up in derby - like Sophia only exists at work and Pow exists at derby, but there's no Sophia that exists outside of those two things. Being reminded of the non-work Sophia is nice. (Though that being said, that's entirely my fault for being bad at cultivating relationships outside of derby these days). In any case, having friends to remind me that derby is really just a ridiculous hobby and a logical extension of my weirdly aggressive tendencies, rather than the be-all and end-all of my existence, is really lovely and necessary. 

Janice resisting hugs, as usual.

Another nice thing about having guests is that you can use them as an excuse to eat out – and in the case of Donovan, your parents are so happy that you want to spend time with your little brother that they literally offer to bankroll dinner wherever you want to go. So we naturally took advantage of their generosity and ate out at the oyster bar at Union Market (delicious, as always), Komi (probably the best meal I have ever had in my life - I thought it was better than Alinea, actually, but that might be the wine pairings talking), and Blue Duck Tavern (wanted to love it, but was not particularly impressed). And then I went back to eating peasant food.

Other, more recent news: I am moving from my basement apartment in Brookland, with my friend McKenzie from high school, to a gorgeous three-bedroom in NoMa with Saulty and Renae, both of whom were freshmeat with me. This is an especially nice move because it's a lot closer to the Armory and H Street bars and such, while still cutting my commute and being relatively affordable (and being four blocks away from my friend Jordan, yay!). My work is also moving to NoMa next year, which means soon my commute will basically be three blocks. Also, WINDOWS! AMAZING! No more Vitamin D deficiency for this girl!

In Chicago terms, moving from Brookland to NoMa is the rough equivalent of moving from Hyde Park circa 2008 to like, Bridgeport. Which is to say, there’s not a lot of stuff to do where I am now, and there’s more stuff to do where I am going, but there’s still not a lot of stuff to do in comparison to the rest of the city, but it’s near a lot of stuff to do, which is cool with me. Unfortunately, my lease is up June 1, which is... when I'm in Milwaukee. Um, I'll figure it out.

Speaking of figuring things out - the LSAT, law school, all of that? Yeah, the studying for that needs to be happening about nowish if I want to take it in October and apply for fall 2014, but that's not really possible. I'm gradually becoming more confident about my ability to get into the schools I want to go to (applications to law school down 30% = EVERYONE GETS ADMITTED!), but I'm dragging my feet for a few reasons:

1. Law school = debt = responsibility = less derby. I think I can still play, but I think that any kind of travel team is probably not in the cards for me, at least while in law school. Unfortunately, at the moment, I want to keep derbying as much as I can, as long as I can. 
2. I'm putting down roots in DC and I really don't want to leave. If I get into, say, Georgetown, I think I would be happy to stay here, but if I didn't get in but I got into an awesome law school somewhere that wasn't DC and didn't get into Georgetown? I would probably leave to go to Hypothetical Other School, and that would suck. If that's a scenario that happens, I would like to delay it, please.
3. The law market still blows. I'm sort of less concerned about this because I think the issue is sort of a structural problem that isn't going to resolve itself anytime soon and delaying by 1 or 2 years won't make much of a difference. The fact is, however, that I'm aiming to go into an industry that is extremely hostile to new grads, even ones from nice schools, yet dumps a ridiculous amount of debt on them. I think it would be strange not to have some hesitation about that, no matter how much I want to be a lawyer.

The plan was always to head back to law school after 2 years. I don't know why this was my plan, except that 2 years seemed like a good amount of time to blow off steam after undergrad. Thinking about stretching that time is scary. Clearly, it's a problem for Future Sophia. (P.S. That girl is screwed).

Meta Thoughts About Blogging

So obviously, the updates haven't been happening as frequently as I like. I've heard from a number of people who say they enjoy it, but the fact that some people are using it as a source of updates in my life is kind of stressful. As in, if I don't keep up with one person, it's bad enough, but not updating my blog is sort of like not keeping up with EVERYONE. Which doesn't make sense, but that's kind of how it feels to my insane guilt complex. 

I've honestly been writing a decent amount, but I haven't been publishing posts for a few reasons. It's hard to reconcile the difference between things that (a) I want to write about and (b) that I think are fit for public consumption, both in terms of quality and actual content. I think this is mostly due to the fact that, though I would like to pretend otherwise, there is an audience for this blog. Although writing what I want to write about is very therapeutic, I feel like I can’t go into detail about certain things or say things that might be taken a certain way by others. And I’d prefer that this blog didn’t become just a place for recording or recapping bouts and derby trips – although I certainly want to be better about documenting those events.

For example: One of my unpublished blog posts was written when I was especially frustrated with my progress in derby at that particular moment in time. It was therapeutic to get it all out and organize my thoughts in writing, so that I could figure out what I was actually upset about. Still, I didn't publish it because I thought it would be insensitive to write what was essentially a "woe is me, I suck at derby" post when I know I'm not doing poorly for a first-year skater. But sometimes, I do feel that way and I want to be able to express it. Where's the line? What's the point of blogging if you have to censor yourself and what you actually write is just a curated persona? Then again, aren't we all just censored versions of our true selves around others, anyway? What is authenticity? OH GOD HELP.

As for non-derby things, the vast majority of the time, I feel like I'm pretty boring and don’t really feel that I have anything interesting to say. I thought I would have a lot more things to say about culture and politics, but I don’t really have the time to consume them like I used to and I’m usually not as vehement in my opinions when I do. I’m not sure if it’s an effect of leaving college, if I’ve become more tolerant, or if I just don’t care as much because it’s not derby-related. But I think I need to work on the identity of the blog a little more before I can confidently say whether I’ll continue to blog.

I'll leave you with these photos of my 20-year-old brother licking cheese to prevent me from having any.

The more things change...
...the more they stay the same.


1 comment:

  1. So as for blogging about things: write what is real and true. For that woe is me post you mention, skaters of every level hit a point where they're like "I want to do [x] or be as good as [y] but I am not good enough and I HATE IT AND ALL THE TRAINING/CROSSTRAINING ISN'T HELPING WAH" so I say if it worries you (because you're right, you're farther along than the average first year) just preface it with "look, I know. I'm being a little self-indulgent, and seem to be looking at gift horses' dental work, but! This is how I feel right now."

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